At The Top Of My Screen

In reading today's featured post at Bring It On! , Dangerous Times by Joe Snitty, I took pause for a moment to reflect on some of the "responsible journalism" scrolling across my wire reader at the top of my screen today. Now, realizing that not all of you reading this post are so fortunate to have said wire scrolling across the top of your screens, I decided it was my civic duty to share these journalistic masterpieces of such importance with you. After all, if they weren't of some great import, then why are they scrolling at the top of my screen?

Survivor' Winner Sentenced to 51 Months

By ERIC TUCKER (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press
May 16, 2006 11:54 AM EDT

Now I don't know about you folks, but I think that following the "Fat Naked Gay Guy" (credit David Letterman for the tag) and his personal business with the IRS is of utmost concern to me, you never know when someone else close to you is going to strip naked, win a million dollars, and shaft the tax man. This is news you can use.

Paint Thinner-Cigarette Error Causes Fire
From Associated Press
May 15, 2006 9:51 PM EDT

This is an extremely informative article on the dangers of in-breeding. I never knew that an unexplainable act of sheer stupidity could have such significant national influence.

Bears Eat Monkey in Front of Zoo Visitors
From Associated Press
May 15, 2006 9:52 PM EDT

Now, unlike the first two articles, this one actually is of interest on many levels. One is the issue of animal cruelty in respect to a bear's dinner habits. Second is the issue of rethinking the thought process whereby said bear and monkey were locked in a cage together. And third is the obvious need for censorship in telling such a graphic tale in prime time and at the top of my computer screen!

Moving forward now, as this is obviously a very busy news day here at the top of my screen.

Woman With Dozens of Animals in Custody
From Associated Press
May 15, 2006 9:51 PM EDT

Dovetailing off of the preceding piece on animal cruelty is this riveting tail of a woman with two feet of animal poo in her kitchen. Now while the angle of proper culinary sanitation jumps to the front of the story, it is not likely to me that this would indeed cause a new pandemic.

Golfer Not Liable for Errant Golf Ball
From Associated Press
May 16, 2006 6:12 AM EDT

Now this piece rounds out my top five for today, although a whole slew of other valuable information (including one about eating Pink Tacos in Nevada, but I digress), is streaming across my screen as I type. I for one will rest much easier tonight knowing that the Hawaiian Supreme Court has finally vindicated my game by ruling,

It is "common knowledge that not every shot played by a golfer goes exactly where he intends it to go," the ruling said, adding there wouldn't be much "sport" in the "sport of golf," if golf balls went exactly where the player wanted.

Well, there you have it then; I felt that this civic responsibility of mine to share the ground shaking headlines available from the AP wire was imperative. I hope you can now rest easier, and go ahead, you know you want to. Go ahead and play that little ditty Don't Worry, Be Happy, you deserve it.