Monday, November 24, 2008

Texas Satire

Ok, so at times I'm kinda like the red headed stepchild of liberals. I have taken all the online tests, and they swear I am a liberal. I consider myself an independent, and a centrist, but the tests never lie, right? So here I am on this liberal blog, talking liberal points after voting most of my life as a conservative, and I look around to see what? The Liberals are coming!!!!

Remember that freaky semi-rock song about the men in white coats coming, "They're coming to take me away, ha ha, ho ho..!",seems like it was early '70s, anyway I think they are the Liberals! I have been checking the blogosphere, and there seems to be this movement out there, sweeping the nation with bleeding hearts and carbon monoxide meters, hell, they have even been reported to accost confused individuals acquiring coffee in the morning while driving H3s in California! The very nerve of such tarts!!

Problem is, though, these sneaky little insurgents are disguising themselves as men and women from all walks of life, even as little teenage girls! I am utterly appalled at the brash tactics employed by these thugs to infiltrate the very fabric of our society! How dare they?! Is it not enough that we have to send our young to die in oil laden sands? Now we have to acknowledge it? As if to say these atrocities are our faults?

Puhlease! Everyone knows that they bombed us first! Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad?! (ahem..oops, wrong war, sorry..) Well, I think I remember hearing CNN declare them as rogue states or the Axles of Evil Knievel anyway. (What a waste of a perfectly good canyon!) And who the hell is this obvious immigrant guy Moulitsas? He sounds a bit too Greek for me if you know what I mean! (Wink, wink) And we all know what position the Greeks prefer!

And when the hell did my home state of Texas become so all fallutin' Republican? The last time I checked, Texas was full of little guys in little Towns, living little lives, hell just listen to the country hit "Little Bitty", and it’ll tell ya! I'm pretty sure The Liberals had something to do with this as well...(stroking my absent beard furtively, and wondering where the hell I was going with the Texas thing...Oh Yeah!)

If my Grand Daddy knew that his beloved brethren had gotten all carpet bagged up and sidled up to a bunch of damn Yankees who claim Texas lineage, as if to imply Texas Heritage was unimportant in that lie! How the hell did Natalie Maines get ostracized for disclaiming Bush as a Texan anyway? He ain't, and that's that! I am damn sick and tired of Texas taking the blame! So here is a born again Liberal's view upon modern history.

Kennedy was killed by a Louisianan drifter hired by someone with three initials that don't mean Texas. LBJ is a freeway in Dallas. Nixon only dreamed of having Texas roots. Ann Richards was, and is the first lady. The whole damned Bush clan started, and as far as I can see will end, well north of the Beltway, and have absolutely no claim to the Alamo, Goliad, Border Patrol, The Texas Rangers, Dallas Cowboys, or anything south of Okla-fucking-homa.

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Anonymous Brent said...

I couldn't agree more. We're also the token liberals in a small Texas town according to our friends. Our big city liberal friends think we're too conservative. Check out our site at for a little comic relief from all of this madness! It's a mythical small town Texas newspaper.

Tue Jul 14, 05:03:00 PM 2009  

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