Friday, June 02, 2006

Buns Don't Kill People, People Kill People

Just how stupid do they think we are? In a report commissioned by the FDA, the Keystone Center, a non-profit policy center, determined in its infinite wisdom that maybe restaurants should follow federal labeling guides in providing nutritional information on their respective menus,

Offering similar label information in restaurants would give consumers the "same kind of information to make those same kinds of (food) decisions away from home," FDA Acting Commissioner Andrew von Eschenbach said. "

I'm pretty sure that if a Pig Sandwich is going to wreak havoc in my home life, it's probably just as likely to screw up my fat count at Bubba's BBQ as well. Duh? Well, hold on a moment and let's just look at this dilemma, ok? If a cake had 200 calories per square inch in Hoboken, and an identical cake was headed to Union Station at twice the metric speed of a base element in suspension, which carbs would land in what order on Aunt Fannie's fanny? Are they out of there ever-loving maniacal Hannibal Lecter, fava bean eating minds? Since when is it the government's job to raise us as helpless lemmings in search of the cliff?

Last time I checked, Mom had a little say in what and how we learned to eat. Got Mom? No? Then how about we encourage the world to slow down just long enough to take responsibility for one simple thing in life, like say...what the fuck we eat?! I damn sure don't need Uncle Dick or Auntie George's special world domination recipes for Divinity Fudge propagated as my salvation. Here's a novel idea, if food, health, and disease control are such an important Pan-American thought process for today's citizens of the most powerful and health progressive nation on God's green earth, how about a little education, where education counts, in school?

We have no reason to assign the education of our selves and our children to McDonald's as to what is and is not healthy human fuel, nor do we need Greenpeace to weigh in on the Joy of Fat, either. If you want a kid to grow up with a strong technical grasp, teach him math. If you want him to have intellectual diversity, teach him to read. If it is your goal that they should embrace a well rounded view of the world, introduce him to art. If you want him to live long, prosper physically from good nutritional choices and tax the declining American health system less, teach the little guy or gal the simple, yet sometimes complex facts about food.

What, no time in school for such nonsense? Hmmm, let's see, what about JROTC? Now there's an idea who's time has failed. How 'bout a little less time tossing rifles at the football game, and a few hours logged in at the local Coronary ICU for observation? Get the Pizza Huts and McD's out of the school lunch rooms, introduce a course in food prep 101, teach a few sanitation skills, how to grill a freakin' fish, and poof! Self-supportive young adults! A simple test question for a modern civics course might be "Q: Is Ramen noodles a new food group?...A: no". The dumbing of America continues to grow by leaps and bounds, and is only underscored daily by such nonsensical pork belly studies such as this. And yes, Virginia, pork bellies can be good in moderation, but only when prepared properly in a sanitary environment. ( A liberal amount of BBQ sauce doesn't hurt, if followed by at least three fresh veggies...and no Steve O, cinnamon buns are not a vegetable!)

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