Monday, March 20, 2006

What Might Have Been, and What It Is

As we join our hero, Bubble Boy, for another exciting episode of "How the West Was Lost", we find him daydreaming again.

It has been several news cycles since his Dubai Portgate controversy, and it seems he just can't get it out of his head. We que him up, just as he is finishing yet another one of his famous bubble headed bushwhacky appearance in front of another paid for audience. As he leaves the stage his mind begins to wander into "What might have been".He sighs and let's his mind dream longingly.....

"Well how 'bout this momma?! I finally made it outa that skully bony club thang, an' ah got my own Sultan Dealrship! Yeseree Billy Bob, I got the finest line of brand new, and hardly used Turbans in tha whole dang USA! Yep, the United States of A-rabs! Heck, I'm not just the owner, I'm a client too! I think 'ol Dick and Donny are gonna get the dee-lux model with the gold trim and tassles, hell I bet I could even mount a gun rack with ammo holder and spare pacemaker batteries for good 'ol Dicky! Won't Donny be swelt up with joy fatter 'n pig leavin the slop trough when he git's a load a that? Yea boy, it'll be a hoot back in Crawford when I start sellin' these babies on-line!"

"Speakin' of, shoot I gotta log in and check out my e-mails, I'm waitin' on E-Bay to approve my account so I can go Global, get it? "Global"?!!(rolling hick laughter) Won't my pahdnuhs in Dubai be so proud! Let's see, what's my ArabOnLine password again?"

"Speakin' of, I wonder how things are goin' with their new Ports an' all, I know they shore dun up that 'ol skyline in New Jihad City, yep. Mighty purty it is, even matches the cab drivers now I'm told.

Heck, I even heard they made that shameless French hussy in the harbor get decent for a change. Naw, I don't mean she was neckid or anythang, it's just that,dang, she had a mug momma possum woulda runned from. 'Bou time ah say.

Well, I'm a gittin' hungry, so I think I'm gonna ride on into Crawford fur a spell and see what's on the menu, nice night for a sunset ride anyhow.

Think I heard one a them CIA fellers talkin' about My 'ol pal Bill (Clinton) openin' up a franchise of his favorite restaurants right there in downtown.

'course there's Dicky's favorite, well next to huntin anyway, heck he says that if ur lucky and real, real rich, you can even get some buckshot in the bucket meal! No joke! Jes like downhome cookin' like momma used to do. Well, er uhh, that's what I read about down home anyway. I mean, heck, accent and all, if it didn't fit on a silver spoon we didn't eat it, ya know? Hell, truth be told we ain't even from Texas, Daddy just moved us here so my dumb ass chicken eatin hillbilly accent wouldn't make me stand out so much. Well, truth be told, that didn't work out so well either so he put me on this ranch, out in the sticks, by myself, all alone, nobody fur miles. Now I don't stick out so much, kewl huh?

Time for me to be headin' on home to Washington ah suppose. What with me sellin Ports and spyin' on all them pesky constitution wavin', bleedin' heart, yeller bellied folks who ain't in my Grand 'Ol Party, a good 'ol bubble boy git's tired, ya know?.....yawn.....stretch....

Home Sweet Home

And with that, our "Hero Bubble Boy" was jolted back to reality as the motorcade came lurching to a halt en route to Air Force One. "Sorry Mr. President" the driver said "We are going to have to get some gasoline now, these big Suburban's your friends in Dubai gave us last week sure do use up alot of fuel" Bubble Boy gazed out the window as the long line of gas sucking big black SUV hogs filled up one by one, deficit by deficit, appropriation by appropriation. He was getting hotter by the second, his mind racing as the thoughts of his unapproval ratings shot through his head. Visions of Senate hearings came and went, and as just as the ghost of Al Gore gripped him by he lapels, he screamed in terror.....

And then he realized, too late, as his SUV pulled up to the pump.

I hope you enjoyed this little daydream, please take a moment to check out the links. Kinda like a scavenger hunt, this is where the real fun lies!

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